Wear a Daffodil on April 27, 2012 to Show Your Support
Dear Doctor,
Four weeks ago I sat in your office, and you looked me straight in the eye, and without a blink, told me there is a good chance I have cancer. I think to myself "what exactly is good about a chance of cancer?". Though I wonder why you look so normal, I do know that this is the type of news you deliver more often than you would like, and that you must do so in a way that helps your patient (me in this case) keep her composure. I managed - somehow- to do just that, asking questions about how "good" the chance was and what the next steps were. The loss of composure would come later. Many times.
It turned out that you thought if it was indeed cancer that we were in the early detection stage (thanks to my keeping up with regular physicals), and that I should not worry (HA!). It also turned out that I had to learn to play the waiting game (not one of my strong points). "Two weeks", you said. If I hadn't heard from you in two weeks then that is a good thing. Follow up in four weeks to discuss the results of the biopsy.
Two weeks went by (agonizingly long for me). I only told a couple of close friends. Not my children. I heard nothing. I was relieved (only partly though). Three weeks. More relieved. Still not all the way. I needed to hear it directly from you.
Finally the news. I was pretty sure by your demeanour when you greeted me that it was okay but really, I don't know you well so I couldn't be 100% sure.
"Nothing too sinister" you say. A few things we need to take care of but not cancer. Not yet. I hear you speaking, but I feel out of my body. My body is lying in a collapsed heap of relief on the floor - limp from a sudden weight being lifted. I wanted to cry. Oh, I think I did. You were very kind. You knew I wouldn't feel better until you told me for certain. You understood. Back to my body I floated. We talked about what's next. The surgery that is part healing and part preventative. "Very common, very easy, nothing to worry about".
I am sure I will worry about it, but not now. Not now that you have given me good news. The news that makes my life go on.
Thank you for your kindness.
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