Feeling Stuck

I woke up this morning feeling stuck.  I did not want to get up and greet the day.  I wanted to stay in bed and pretend that I didn't have to get up and let another day march me forward into the future (which at that point felt like the black hole of the unknown).  With so many challenges behind me and so many more in front of me I couldn't find a way to go forward and backing up was not an option.  My best option was to just to stay there - in bed - preferably with the covers over my head.

Oh how I wish it were that easy!!!  But so many people are dependant on me to get myself going and show up and do whatever voodoo it is that I do.

So, I tried (hard I might add) to list in my head all the things I am grateful for. Blank. Zilch. Zero. Nada.  Gloom and doom. Nothing rang true.  I could not get it together.  I just felt .. angry and frustrated... that I am still being asked to be strong, that I am still being forced to learn life lessons that I really - quite frankly - want to be done with, that I am being challenged to believe in the universe.  I feel tired of learning, tired of watching my dreams slip past my outstretched finger tips, tired of seeing doors close.

Once my private pity party was over and I had given my head a good shake I was able to remember how much I have to be grateful for.

I am grateful that my heart is kind and open, for my generous spirit and my abundant life.  That I have much to give and that I am open to receiving joy.  I am grateful for nature's beauty and it's ability to restore my faith in the universe.  Grateful for the many small things often overlooked, waiting for me to stumble upon them -  if I am seeing with my eyes and my heart.

Some days it is hard to be mindful and grateful, some days it is easy, but every day it is important.