What Love Looks Like

I am just going to write whatever comes out right now.  So many thoughts and feelings rushing around these days that I am writing as an outlet.  I went for a walk this morning up to to the hill that looks over our neighbourhood and out to Lake Ontario.  At the top of the hill what I really wanted to do was scream as loud as I could and let out some of the anger/frustration/sadness/overwhelming helplessness that I feel.  

And then I thought, "shit, I am not the one with cancer,   I am only watching from the sidelines.  I really have no flipping idea".  But I love my sister and I love her family and the feelings I feel are born from that love and wishing more than anything that I could change what is happening - that I could bear at least some of the pain or better yet take it away. But all I can do is to keep supporting Katherine in whatever way I can from across the county. 

I wondered about what to title this blog post.  I considered "What Courage Looks Like" and "What Cancer Looks Like".  The latter I dismissed because actually I don't think anyone really wants to know what cancer really looks like although sadly way too many people do.  I can tell you a bit about what courage looks like by way of the conversation with my sister right before her first chemo treatment last Friday (below).  Since then she has been very very sick, unable to do much of anything except lie still and unable to drink or eat much of anything all.  And she has months more of this to go.

I think I am going to explode soon

Like a big bomb

Or a volcano

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Tenor GIF Keyboard

Tick tick tick tick

You'll probably feel better once it's started

The waiting is hard

Isn't that ironic

I mean mentally it's so stressful. Often that's the worst

I agree!!!!

One week at a time. That's all . Just don't look too far ahead. Are you taking some music

I have my phone so I have automatically Netflix music and a book

All In one little Device How cool Is that

That's very good

I Can't do that

Yes I will top up My charge before I go

I'm going to charge up now I will let you know what's happening when I can! Until then....

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Ok I'll do. My best to keep calm and carry on

Love you

Love you too

Did you decide on your doc martens and army pants

Yes Causal chic haha

Don't scare the nurses

And my brown summer pullover vee neck with a black tee shirt

Haha

With my fuck this shit cancer folder haha

I'll get kicked out

Perfect

I doubt it. I'm sure they've seen everything

Haha yes that's true!!!!

Better to go in ready to kick ass. It's more positive being sad

That's true and I have a new book from the library It's not all bad Sitting in comfy chair eating hard candies

What could be better

I even get a cocktail

K

Gotta go my ride is here

In the end I decided to title this "What Love Looks Like" because it is actually love that will get Katherine through this.  It is love that will support her when she feels like she can't go on, that will give her the courage and strength to get up and go to chemo.  It is love that will help her to open her eyes, eat and drink after the chemo knocks her down for days on end.  

What loves look like in this family is a few bald heads and being there whatever it takes and for as long as it takes.

And I will keep supporting from the sidelines and I will keep asking for support through the GO FUND ME so that this family can keep a roof over their beautiful bald heads.  Any amount that can be donated helps and if you can't donate then I ask you to please send love and positive thoughts as I am a firm believer that the positive energies we send out to others are beneficial to their well being. Also please share share share the GO FUND ME link and like it a million times on Facebook. 

 Also, if you happen to know Oprah or Ellen maybe you can send them the direct link ;)

What beauty and courage look like.