Into the Black

He tried our patience and he broke our hearts.  He pushed the limits with all who knew him.  He was our lion who wore his heart on his sleeve and whose excess energy was never stilled for long by any healthy pursuit.  This life was his cage and he was always pacing, unable to sit still for long.  He was passionate about his beliefs, music, art and his feelings.  He battled his demons and his illness courageously, without losing his wicked sense of humour, or his ability to see beauty in the world.

I wondered how I would be when I went to see Greg in hospice; not knowing if he would accept my presence there.  I needn't have worried because Greg's heart has always been open to family and friends.  He welcomed me and anyone else who wanted to say goodbye into his final days without question.  He did not hold on to any hard feelings for he knew what mattered to him in those final days - love and acceptance. "In the end we are who we are".  Because he was able to do in spite of what he was facing, I found myself letting go of all the anger and resentment.  There was no space for anything but love and compassion.

We were able to share some tender moments, some good tunes and some last laughs that I will remember the rest of my life. It is a sacred and privileged experience to be with someone as they leave this earth.  Thank you Gregory Ian MacDonald Murray for showing me what courage looks like.  We hope you liked our final goodbye - an impromptu toast to you with vodka and orange juice, Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah, and then a ring of the bell on the rooftop garden.

Always remembered, never forgotten

Gregory Ian MacDonald Murray 

July 16, 1960 - November 11, 2016

*Out of the blue

and into the black

You pay for this,

but they give you that

And once you're gone,

you can't come back

When you're out of the blue

and into the black

~ Neil Young

*Before Greg passed away he gave me his journals of his cancer experience to read.  There were several references made to these lyrics from the Neil Young song Hey Hey My My (Into the Black).

Written on the wall in Greg's room at  Victoria Hospice

On our way up to the Hospice rooftop garden.

Ringing the bell - our final goodbye

Mom

Andria

Me

 A heart felt thank you goes out to all of the "earth angels" that crossed our paths in Greg's final days - the nurses, staff, and volunteers at the Victoria Hospice for whom there are no words that can fully express our gratitude; Sara, who was a source of hope and strength to Greg during the past year; and to Eshu Martin who took the time to talk to me and Andria about love and forgiveness and without whom we might not have seen the bigger picture.  Lastly thank you and much love and appreciation to those friends and family who spent time with Greg at hospice sharing memories, laughing, crying and saying goodbye.