Snow, thoughts and curry soup

It snowed today again. Soft and light.  The clouds taking away the extreme frigidness of the temperatures we have been experiencing of late.

After making a pot of curried carrot soup I took a nice walk, the new snow giving me a workout.  I love the hush that happens with new fallen snow.  Especially welcome and calming after the madness of a trip to Costco on a Saturday afternoon.  

My snowy walk was filled with thoughts.  Of my Father;  of what to do with the rest of my life; of how I might bring meaning to my time on this earth.  I want to make a difference in at least some small way while I still can.  I want to embrace the things I believe in, which I am passionate about and which bring me joy, and shed the things that fulfil none of those prerequisites.

I am sure the reason that some of these thoughts were stirred once again is due to watching the movie Still Alice, although my Father's passing has had the same effect on me.  

Questions and unrest.  

What am I doing with my life?  What is my purpose here?

My Father's death has reminded me once again how short life really is.   While he was fortunate enough to have spent much of his life doing what he felt passionate about, what meant something to him and what likely made a difference to many people, his purpose was cut short by LBD. As I watched the movie (Still Alice) I was reminded of how we lost our Father in pieces. Bit by bit he disappeared from us, the disease taking him away a little at a time. When I no longer saw the twinkle in his eye I knew that last of who he was was gone.

I must not wait until it is too late to do the things I want to do, I need to do.   I am already 50.  Past middle age!

Life does not wait for anyone to be ready and it will not wait for me, as I dither and try to decide and wait for the right time.  Life happens, ready or not.  Perhaps if you are lucky enough and the timing is right you might jump on the right path. Perhaps if you miss it you might wander, searching. Perhaps you will never find it again. Or perhaps it will come around again, giving you another opportunity.

I don't claim to know the answers, just the questions.

However, I do know that Dad would have loved the soup.

You know how everyone's always saying seize the moment? I don't know, I'm kind of thinking it's the other way around, you know, like the moment seizes us. 

from Boyhood