Natural Abundance

All You Need Is Love

2012-02-14T06:59:00.000-05:00

Love is a precious gift.

Hold it carefully. Treat it gently, kindly.

Love expands our hearts and lights our path.

Love is our connection to the Universe.

What the morning brings

2012-02-12T10:13:00.000-05:00

Early winter morning at Port Credit Marina

Early morning has always been my favourite time of the day. Perhaps for the simple reason that the beginning of the day feels like a renewal, a new chance, and a fresh perspective.

The morning is our blank slate. Our new page.

We are the writers in our own life story and each morning brings us a chance to start a new page, a new chapter, or a new book.

The day is ours. The pages are ours. The pages can be separate, each day a short story if we so choose. Or, the pages can be a continuation of our yesterdays or the dreams for our tomorrows.

What will you write today?

The Wisdom in Silence

2012-02-11T11:27:00.000-05:00

I see the snowflakes gently falling outside the window, I smell the bacon my daughter is cooking in the kitchen, I taste the bitter-sweet of my morning cup of tea, I hear the laundry going round in the dryer, I feel my heart beating evenly and slowly, and body asking me for the releasing stretches of yoga. I feel peaceful this morning in a way that I haven't in weeks and I realize that it is because I have finally fully dealt with and accepted something I have been resisting understanding and accepting because it hurt too much.

I have been paying very mindful attention to myself in the past few weeks. Spending ~~too much~~ a lot of quiet time ~~analyzing~~ reflecting on my reactions, behaviours and beliefs.

Mindful attention means taking the time and the effort to spend some quiet quality time with yourself. Looking deep within and dealing with what you find there. This is not an easy process for most people and certainly has not been for me. It takes courage and perseverance to work through the layers of life experiences and to get to the important stuff that is buried somewhere deep within. The stuff we haven't properly dealt with. The ~~shit~~ stuff that sits there just waiting for the trigger that will bring it front and centre.

"HELLO!!! REMEMBER ME???"

Quiet time is just that. Quiet. No distractions of the television, music, the computer, a book or any other method we routinely use to distract ourselves from our own thoughts. Quiet time is just that. Quiet. You, silence, and your thoughts and feelings.

We live in world of distractions. Of cramming our lives with activities and entertainment. We jam it full to the point that we are overwhelmed, stressed and perpetually exhausted. Our lives fly by in a whirlwind of commitments and appointments. Rushing from one thing to another. We "unwind" with yet more distractions never fully giving our mind the quiet rest it needs so that we can listen... really listen... for the guidance for your life and body that is there within.

Much of my own life experience is a similar one of cramming my life full so that I couldn't feel, see, or need to deal with what was going on inside me.

After my ~~horrible~~ second marriage ended, my life was crammed full with a new house, new job, my Father's illness and many other things that completely consumed every single day for well over a year. Stressful as all that was those things kept me busy and distracted enough that I didn't have the time or the energy to spend time dealing properly with the fallout from my marriage. Once things settled down a bit instead of just having some quiet time I decided to cram some other distractions into my life. These were what I refer to as positive distractions (learning to play guitar, learning yoga, photography, etc.) but they were distractions just the same.

New Years Day 2012. "HELLO! REMEMBER ME?? I am the pain, fear and resentment you put away somewhere deep inside. Are you going to shove me back in and put some more stuff on top or are you going to deal with me now?"

The answer was NOW.

It was hard. There were ~~buckets of~~ tears. There was anger, frustration, and hurt. There was not understanding, blaming and hating myself. Then finally there was release - of old beliefs, of outdated needs. And now, the beginning of loving myself and my life again. Quiet time is now part of my every day. The ~~shit~~ stuff that needs to be faced will be met every day.

"Hello.. here I am"

Loss

2012-02-08T20:27:00.001-05:00

Does anyone ever get better at it? Does it get easier?

We know that loss is part of life. It is inevitable. Nothing stays the same. Nothing is static. Our lives are ever evolving and changing and part of change often involves loss, letting go, saying goodbye. To people we love, to places, to ideas, to dreams, passions and hopes. Saying goodbye never seems to get easier. No matter how much we prepare ourselves, no matter how much we "know" it is the way things are. No matter how much we train ourselves for acceptance how do we make it easier?

If we are hurting because we have lost someone, let this pain remind us to enjoy every moment with those you love because life is fragile. If we are hurting because of shame or regret, let the pain remind you to live with authenticity and integrity.

In memory of "our Dave"

Missed but not forgotten

with Love from the Angels

Early Spring? Bring it on.

2012-02-02T21:07:00.000-05:00

Although it has not been the harshest of winters, I am still more than ready to say goodbye to boots, coats, gloves, the cold, the grey skies and the short days. I was pretty happy when Willie did not see his shadow this morning. Not that I believe in that stuff.

I need something to give me hope that the sun will once again warm my skin (and not just though the kitchen window). I long for hours of daylight after arriving home from work. I want to feel the grass beneath my - manicured for a reason - toes. I want to wear summer dresses and have long cold drinks on the deck. I want to run through fields of flowers (hey, doesn't everyone?).

I am sure there are plenty of people who enjoy winter (not that I personally know any of those people), but I am not one of them. I will tolerate it. I will try to make the best of it. But I really don't like it.

Goodbye Winter.. Hello Spring!

p.s. Punxsutawney Phil - I am choosing not to listen to you.

Attend to it, and it will flourish.

2012-02-01T19:34:00.001-05:00

Do you carefully and lovingly prepare the earth, providing the nutrients that will enrich it and give your plants what they will need to thrive?

Do you carefully and thoughtfully pick out the plants, flowers and vegetables that you will enjoy because you love the colour, scent, texture or taste? Do you adventurously and spontaneously plant something you have never tried to grow before just to experiment and have fun?

Do you carefully and tenderly care for your plants and flowers making sure they get enough water ; that they have ideal conditions to thrive?

Do you keep an eye out for pests or disease that could harm them?

When you garden is in full bloom, at its peak, do you take the time to enjoy it? To smell it? To gaze upon it's glorious colours? To feel it's textures? To taste it?

Do you tend to your life - your relationships - yourself with the same loving care?

"I mean, life is a garden, and when you do not yet see that your life is a garden you may not see your life clearly at all. You are the garden, you are the gardener, and you reap what you sow.

What will you make of the ground around that you - only you - can tend? How will you share the place you never leave, the time you always have, and the peace only you can spread?

You make everything true by bringing it to life, so be careful what you bring. Anger kills, bitterness poisons, greed spoils, fear stunts, and inattention withers. Good gardeners cultivate a good earth. And where could that be but the very spot where you stand?"

an excerpt from Hand Wash Cold
Karen Maezen Miller

My Path to Wellness

2012-01-29T19:49:00.001-05:00

I am not sure when I started feeling exhausted all time time. It might have been September or October or thereabouts. As my energy drained so did my enthusiasm for many of the things that I normally enjoy (like getting up early on the weekend to go walking). I had to push myself hard to get anything accomplished and as the weeks and months went on I was sleeping more and doing less and less. Many times I arrived home after work wanting nothing more than to be able to get into bed. In fact, most mornings my first thought of the day was that I couldn't wait until bedtime. I realized that this was not just normal "life is stressful and busy" fatigue and booked an appointment with my family physician and a naturopath. I learned that I am severely depleted in Iron and vitamin D. No big surprise that I am tired.

And so my path to wellness now includes a multitude of vitamins, an iron rich diet (this means lots of dark green vegetables, and yes, red meat) along with yoga, meditation and my spiritual journey. I still do not know where my path is leading me, but hopefully now I will have the energy to get there.

Vegetables for "Ironman" Soup

Mmmm Soup!

Vitamins

For the mind and spirit

For the body and spirit

Words to the Wise

2012-01-25T18:55:00.000-05:00

Be careful with your words.

Words, written or spoken are powerful.

They can change the way we think about ourselves, others, and the world.

They form our thoughts and our feelings.

Words can motivate, discourage, hurt, help, provoke, insult, anger,

sadden, inspire, and uplift us (and more).

Words have the power to change our lives.

Many words have be directed at me; both verbally and written; both good and bad. I am choosing to keep in my mind the words that have taught me important lessons; the words that inspire me to be a better person; the words that tell me who I am.

I still carry in my wallet a small note a friend wrote me several years ago when I was struggling with the end of a relationship. Every once in a while I pull out that note when I need it most. It reminds me of what I have overcome and it reminds me of someone dear to me. I have been inspired and encouraged recently with the words from a friend "I am proud of you"; I was moved to tears when someone I had just met hugged me and told me "everything will be okay", and felt blessed when a teacher wrote to me "you have a beautiful energy around you". These words will stay with me and come back to me when I need to remind myself that I am okay and I am moving in the right direction. When my children say "I love you" I am reminded daily of what is most important to me and when someone says "I am sorry" I am reminded how important and powerful forgiveness is.

Choose your words carefully because they will be remembered.

ACT One TAKE One.. ROLL IT!

2012-01-20T20:38:00.000-05:00

There are no dress rehearsals in life. Once we are born it is "ACTION" and it does not stop "rolling" until we do.

There are no re-takes, no body doubles, no voice-overs, no editing, re-winding or fast forwarding (or PVRing -is that a verb?). Nobody hands us a script to rehearse, nobody writes our lines. We have to do our own hair and make-up and supply our own wardrobe. We are in charge of our own choreography and set design. There is plenty of ad-libbing, improvisation and probably a lot going on behind the scenes. There are bloopers and things we wish were "deleted scenes". This is it. Our life. Our film. Drama, action, romance, comedy and documentary all rolled into one.

We are the stars but it is unlikely we will win an a award or walk down the red carpet.

But look on the plus side.. you likely won't see the most unflattering picture of yourself spread across the tabloids either.

Teach Your Children Well*

2012-01-18T19:44:00.000-05:00

From the moment they are born we nurture and teach our children. We are preparing them for the world - preparing them for the day they will one day leave our nest.

I never stopped to think that perhaps learning to make macaroni & cheese out of a box would be a milestone. With this important knowledge they are ready to go out in the world without me (or at least for me to go away for a weekend knowing they won't starve).

Mac 'n cheese - even better right out of the pot apparently

Other lessons I have taught my children include: "counting by two's, tying their shoes", how to play hopscotch and skip double dutch, the importance of showing respect and kindness to others; setting the table like the Queen herself might show up for dinner; laundry (including sorting by colour and folding); loading the dishwasher; planting a garden; cutting the grass; making french toast and bacon (very important for Mother's day); dusting and vacuuming (there is a chance they might need a refresher course on that one); keeping the toilet seat down; mixing a wicked Gin & Tonic; the difference between weeds and plants; how to use the bank machine; how to assemble Ikea furniture (okay maybe they taught me that one) and countless other things.

In return my children have taught me everything I know about what it means to love unconditionally, what is important and what is not, and that macaroni & cheese tastes better out of the pot.

* Crosby Stills Nash & Young

She Craved

2012-01-15T13:58:00.003-05:00

a freshly baked croissant with jam

lightness of heart, mind and body

the letting go of fear and greeting joy

smiles and laughter that come easily

connection, sharing of stories and lessons

energy and vitality to move forward with ease

rich red wine and dark chocolate shared with a good friend

to live with love, grace, acceptance and humility

to see beauty in the ordinary and to capture it

water surrounded by trees, the scent of cedar and pine, the whisper and the silence

to appreciate all the moments that make up her story, her life

a blank canvas to fill with colour and light

understanding, wisdom and forgiveness

the earth beneath her fingernails once again; weeds

Note:

The title and idea for this blog are borrowed from a fellow blogger who inspires me with her wit, wisdom and colourful enthusiasm for life - the cravings are original.

Dancing Queen

2012-01-10T20:32:00.001-05:00

1981 (or thereabouts..) "Friday night and the lights are low". Okay it was Saturday nights and it was at the Gravenhurst Community Centre, but whenever it was and wherever it was, I was The Dancing Queen (at least in my own mind). And, every time I hear that song I am 17 years old again, at the disco, dancing the night away in my turquoise Danskin.

Music is miraculous that way. It brings us back, it creates a mood, it changes our mood, lifts our mood, sets the mood, soothes us, at times moves us to tears. It fills our lonely voids, fills our hearts and brings us joy . Music brings people together like no other thing. It provides the soundtrack to our lives.

Of course, I have earlier memories of music in my life than ABBA's Dancing Queen. My parents were big music lovers with everything from Classical, the Soundtracks to Annie Get your Gun and My Fair Lady, to the Beatles, Bob Dylan, the Rolling Stones, Cat Stevens, and Joni Mitchell, to one of my Mom's favourites - Neil Diamond. All of this music and much more bring back memories that, if I didn't hear the songs, might never come to mind.

Cat Stevens is tied forever in my mind to my sisters and I doing "gymnastics" in our matching baby doll pj's; the Beatles is hours and hours of learning lyrics, reading Archie comics, and dreaming of being married to Paul McCartney. Neil Diamond brings an instant and vivid recollection of skating on the ice on the bay in front of our house right down to the frostiness of the air and the sound of the ice cracking.

Early music that I actually owned, either on vinyl, or on 8-track were Olivia Newton John, the soundtrack to The Sting, The Partridge Family and Donny Osmond (the latter two of which I think my brother broke in half - see below regarding my compulsive music personality).

Music that is forever tied to my daughter as a baby are Enya and Bob Marley (both of which I played endlessly to soothe her to sleep). My son (needing not much coaxing to get to sleep) preferred the lively beat of the Gypsy Kings while he danced for hours in his Jolly Jumper. Family meals in those days were often accompanied by the Bridges of Madison County Soundtrack (both kids know most of the words to all those songs).

I have a very diverse taste in music, but tend towards the play it till nobody in the house ever wants to hear it again kind of personality. I use music to bring back memories that I want to keep in my mind. There is some music I refuse to listen to because it brings back memories I don't want.

These days my musical taste is more of the folk music genre; Sarah Harmer, Great Lake Swimmers, Alexi Murdoch, Cowboy Junkies, Be Good Tanyas, and Feist being the favourites at the moment. But every once in a while when I want to be "young and sweet, only 17" you might hear ABBA playing in the house... and you might even find me dancing by myself in the living room. Maybe one day I will dig my disco ball out again.

The Danskin body suit and wrap skirt -
perfect for dancing the night away.

Caution: Bumpy Road Ahead

2012-01-08T19:59:00.000-05:00

Along the roadways there are signs everywhere guiding us on our route and warning us of any hazards. On our life path we have to rely on signs from the universe and our intuition to help guide us - which is a whole lot tougher. Just once I would like the universe to smack a sign right in front of me telling me exactly what to do and which way to go. Wouldn't that be sweet?

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T20:32:00.000-05:00

I am not one for celebrating the coming of a new year with the fanfare of a party complete with party hats, loud tooting noise-makers, champagne and New Year resolutions.

I am not sure why exactly, but I have always felt the best way for me to usher in the new year is quietly. For me it is a time of reflection similar to my birthday. A taking stock so to speak. Well, I guess I did not like what I was taking stock of this year as I had a mini (okay a bit bigger than mini) meltdown last night while talking to a friend. I can't really pin point exactly what the problem was except that I felt afraid. Afraid of another new year looming in front of me and me still uncertain of how to get to where I want to go, afraid of the work I know it will take to do it, afraid of failing, afraid of transforming myself yet again?

My very understanding friend had these words for me (along with many others) "You are on a path and, although you are not sure where it is leading, you must have faith it is the right one. It is clearly one of transformation and that, in itself, makes it a good one."

"Faith" might be a good mantra word for me this year, but I have chosen another one. Two years ago my word would have been "survive" and last year "heal". This year the word "thrive" seems to be the right fit. I don't expect "thriving" will be easy, but I like the optimism in the word. I like the way it sounds like I will not be simply existing and going about my day to day living - I will be working toward something more. I want to experience my life with more joy and more optimism. I want to flourish!

And so, with the New Year a new beginning:

"A new journey has begun. Let it be magical. Let it unfold. All parts of the journey are sacred and holy. Take time to honour the beginning"
- Melody Beattie

I wish you all a safe, healthy and happy journey for 2012.

The Gift of Time

2011-12-28T21:00:00.000-05:00

I think, if I could have any gift given to me it would be the gift of time.

Like most people, I want more of it. More time to do the things I enjoy and to spend with the people I care about.

Time is elusive. It cannot be seen or touched - definitely not wrapped in a box - but we measure it from the smallest increments to the largest. Time is always on our minds. We are either running out of it or have too much on our hands. Time never seems to come to us in the perfect amount. When we are doing something we are enjoying we want time to slow down; sometimes we wish it would just stand still. Other times we itch for it to move faster, watching the clock, watching our lives tick by, a second, a minute, an hour, a day at a time.

If you could turn back time would you? Or, would you wind it ahead to the next moment; the next day? Or, like me, would you like to carry time around with you in a box and, when you need to, just put it on a table next to you and have it stand still for as long as you like?

Time is the measurer of all things, but itself is immeasurable, and the grand discloser of all things, but itself is undisclosed.

- Charles Caleb Colton

Traditions the Sequel

2011-12-28T20:12:00.000-05:00

We enjoyed our traditions and even started what I hope will become new traditions. We baked. We wrapped. We ate decadent treats and plenty of chocolate. Santa found his way in and left lots of goodies for everyone including the cat. We dropped Christmas bombs (aka packages of home-made treats) on friend's doorsteps. We stayed up late. We slept in. We laughed. We played games and watched movies. We spent time with loved ones. We were together. And, for that, I am most grateful.

Wrapping

Christmas Biscotti

Christmas Eve goodies

Santa was here

Kids, Dad & Jack Christmas morning

Table set for dinner with friends

Traditions

2011-12-21T21:11:00.001-05:00

Traditions and rituals are important to most of us. They make us feel safe; secure. They are something we can count on and look forward to.

A couple of days ago my daughter was upset. "This Christmas doesn't feel the same, everything is different". I agree, things are not the same, but I think they have been changing for a long time, not just this year. We have had to adapt our traditions over the past years coinciding with marriages ending, relationships changing, new houses, health issues, and busy schedules just to name a few. I guess this year particularly it feels like our traditions are "gone".

With 3 days to go till Christmas and shopping, wrapping, and baking still to do, I will try to get it together and give us our traditional Christmas.

To me, the most important tradition is that we are together on Christmas, and that we are healthy and happy.

The Tree of Life

2011-12-19T19:52:00.000-05:00

I will confess that I am one of those people who spends a fair amount of time thinking about what it all means. Why are we here on this earth, what is our (my) purpose; who or what is God; what is faith and how to achieve it; what part do we play in this most beautiful and merciless dance of nature? There are many ways to phrase the question, but it basically is what is the meaning of life?

As humans it is in our nature to ask why. We start asking that at a very early age - questioning our parents, and the world around us. Why is the sky blue? Why is the grass green? Why do things die? Why is there so much suffering? Endless questions of why why why.

In the film The Tree of Life the questions are asked over and over again. We see beautiful depictions of how the world began, of nature at it's most breathtaking and fierce moments; of human nature with it's gentlest loving grace and at it's most wilful and egotistical.

For most of us the questions about our life's purpose and about faith will come during times of stress, suffering and loss. We do not tend to ponder these things as much when things are going right. We look for answers when we have none. We look for God when we feel lost and alone.

Perhaps we are simply meant to live without full knowledge. For our souls to slowly learn the balance and the rhythm. For our hearts to trust that we are playing our parts as we are meant to.

I watched The Tree of Life with my son a few nights ago and when it was finished I wanted to hug him tight for all that he is and all that he has learned about being part of this dance of life with grace.

Great Lake Swimmers - Long Into the Evening
lyrics

It’s only human to wonder why
it’s only animal to do it
It’s only animal to run along the rocks
And move along instead of talk
It’s only human to wonder how
And how I wish I could talk to you now

And the words tumble out of your mouth
Like apples from a wild tree
And mine they spy out cautiously
Like a creature from its cave
Our able bodies and able minds
Are animals and things on vines
Greening fields and windy mines
In our sounds and movements

And the waves like lessons
Thrashing over me in waves
Of self-doubt and illusion
Like night’s intrusion
On the daylight of the strings
They gently let me play

I’ve got points of icicles
Piercing into me and I miss your warmth
And the sound of your voice
Like apples tumbling from a wild and windy tree

My body aches for you, and shakes for you
And sways for you
And dances with your little woman body
Long into the evening

The Giving Season

2011-12-14T20:00:00.002-05:00

In this season of giving the most important thing we should remember is to give from the heart.

It doesn't matter what is wrapped up, what it is wrapped up in, the size or shape, nor the monetary value of it. What is important is the desire to bring joy to the receiver of our gift. The added bonus to bringing someone joy is to feel joyful yourself. Giving - true giving -promotes happiness for the receiver and the giver.

Gifts given with the heart do not think of "what's in it for me?, what will I get in return?, how will I benefit from this?". If that is your thinking then just don't bother.

Gifts from the heart are remembered and treasured no matter what they are for the love given in your gift remains in the heart of the receiver.

As you wrap your gifts in this giving season be mindful to wrap a piece of your heart along with them.

Wing It Wednesday

2011-12-07T19:01:00.000-05:00

During my second marriage I had a fantasy that went something like this..

Make it yourself Monday

Take out Tuesday

Wing it Wednesday

Throw it together (yourself) Thursday

Fetch your own Friday

Serve yourself Saturday

So what if you're hungry? Sunday

In those days I had to have dinner on the table every night at 6:00.

Fantasies and dreams are good to have, but be careful what you wish for.

For about the past six weeks or so (oddly corresponding with me starting yoga teacher training) our dinner schedule (or dinners period) seems to be a thing of the past. Between my training, homework, kids social lives and work schedules we are rarely home at the same time and when we are I often don't feel like cooking. I miss sitting down with the kids to a decent dinner (i.e. with vegetables!) and catching up on their day. Right now I am still trying to adjust to a more hectic than usual schedule while trying to carve bits of time out for myself (usually at the expense of clean clothes or food in the fridge) so I often don't feel inspired to put much on the table.

To try and bring a bit of normalcy to my week, last night I decided to make an effort and cook a decent dinner that didn't consist of anything pre-cooked or frozen. Flying in from work I didn't even bother to change out of my work clothes before preparing the veggies and chicken for the oven. Once the bird was in the oven I dashed off to change and do yoga (homework) for an hour. It was well worth the effort and probably the best roast chicken I have had in a long long time. Unfortunately 1/3 of us was MIA (i.e. out with friends). However, I was still happy to put a good nourishing, comforting meal in front of my daughter who has been buried in essays, papers and looming deadlines that she feels will never end.

Hopefully that one good meal gets me off the cooking hook for a few days because today we are back to Wing it Wednesday.

Barefoot Contessa's Perfect Roast Chicken - pre cooking

Barefoot Contessa's Perfect Roast Chicken - ready to eat

A Love Poem

2011-12-03T08:30:00.000-05:00

My fingers need to feel both your roughness and softness
My eyes long to drink in the beauty of you
My ears desire your haunting whispers, your silence
Your scent still lingers on my mind, but I am anxious to breathe you in once more

My mind craves the calmness that only you can provide me
My heart expands my chest with love for you
By body will relax at the sight of you
My spirit will delight in you

You will have changed so much since I saw you last, but so have I
We will be closer than before, for I am learning
What is important and what is not

You are not mine, I am not yours, but yet you give so much to me
How generous you are to love me so tenderly and knowingly
Asking nothing from me, just letting me be

Dear Forest, I will be there soon
To reunite with you

The Sweet Spot

2011-11-29T19:58:00.002-05:00

Everyone will have a different view of what "the sweet spot" is -that (often fleeting) moment when things just come together and create an indescribable feeling and you know you have found the sweet spot.

My list (not complete) in random order (is that an oxymoron?).

Being so engrossed in a book or a movie that it is hard to believe it was not real and that you were not a part of it.
When you are absolutely exhausted mentally and physically but it feels good.
Laughing whole-heartedly.
A photo that brings back to mind all the emotion, smells, sounds and even temperature of when you first took it.
The moment you realize you are no longer afraid of something you feared for a long time.
When your mind and body are synched in perfect unison.
When your heart talks directly to your head (and your head listens for a change).
The joy on someones face when you have made them happy.
When you find the right words and even more when words are not necessary.
Realizing you are ok just as you are.

Friends

2011-11-28T19:47:00.000-05:00

There is no way to put a value on friendship for a true friend is both invaluable and irreplaceable. A friend sent this to me recently after a discussion (of sorts) about the importance and meaning of friendship. I wanted to share it.

To desire what is best for the other
Sympathy and empathy
Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult to speak the truth
Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support
Enjoyment of each others company
Trust in one another
Positive reciprocity — a relationship based on equal give and take between the two parties.
The ability to be oneself, express one's feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement

End of the Gardening Season

2011-11-20T19:39:00.000-05:00

Although we are still experiencing double digit temperatures in mid-November - my grass still looks like it could use a last cutting and I still have rainbow chard doing well; the gardening season is well over for the year. A couple of weeks ago I put most everything away just leaving out the red Muskoka chairs that are on their last legs and will have to be replaced next year. Although I am always sad to say goodbye to the garden for the season it does always feel like the right time. A time of rest, a time to replenish for the next season.

Resembling my life in some ways my perennial beds are established although still growing, but with room for something new each year while the vegetable garden is a blank slate waiting for the both a bit of the tried and true and some new and untested.

I recently received a new gardening book in the mail that I look forward to reading in February - just about when I will be starting to think about and plan next years garden. The Organic Home Garden written by Patrick Lima and John Scanlan promises to be full of good gardening advice. They are the owners and tenders of Larkwhistle Garden, near Miller Lake, Ontario. The gardens are absolutely stunning and a must see if you are a garden lover.

I love this excerpt from the introduction:

Let the hours in the garden be a time to reflect on the beauty and abundance of our one and only home, and on our place here: not as conquerors, not as mere workers in a system of someone else's devising, not as madly dashing consumers hell-bent on accumulation, not as numbed and passive spectators, but as participants in life's flow and mysteries, as members of a community and a body politic, and as recipients of the great gifts of the Earth.

Empty garden, retired for the winter

Shed decorated for the holiday season

Pots stored for the winter

Side Trips

2011-11-19T18:15:00.000-05:00

When life gets difficult and seems like a constant struggle I wonder if I am on the right path. My thinking has always been that if it is right it should be easy; the path should be clear and the light should be straight ahead.

Lately I have begun to change my thinking. Just because things are not easy does not necessarily mean they are not right. A side trip off your path may mean it is a time for healing or growth. The side trip may come with unexpected emotions that may make you want to turn back to what you knew before, what was comfortable.

Maybe to get to the next place we need to leave the comfortable path we were on and take a side trip. We need to trust that healing and growing will happen and the path will eventually seem right and comfortable again. We need to let our journey unfold.

Special Delivery

2011-11-17T13:05:00.000-05:00

Just the message I needed this morning.
Thank you Andrea and Jen.

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar!

2011-11-16T20:34:00.002-05:00

This is where I need to let out a big giant roar and find the courageous lion inside of me.

I am still semi-sick with a flu bug, I am tired, I feel aggravated by the tiniest little things, I want to go to my room and have a time out. Have I hit a wall? And, if so, how do I get over it?

This is where I almost always end up when I take on something new and challenging. At the point where it seems too hard, and I feel like I am not good enough.

Welcome to Yoga Teacher Training where it is not all about relaxation and de-stressing. It is about studying the muscles and bones and learning new words and working my butt off (well, ahem, that would be an added bonus actually) to learn to put my body into poses that it doesn't really want to be in and to smile and breathe through all of it.

I have reached the point where I am looking at myself in the mirror and wondering what in the HELL am I doing? Why did I sign up for this?

Ok, nobody forced me. I did it of my own free will. What I need right now is a good dose of smart ass saucy courage to come from somewhere deep inside me so that I can say to myself "it doesn't matter if I am not a human pretzel, it doesn't matter if I am not 20 years old and don't look it or feel it, it doesn't matter if I cannot remember every muscle and every Sanskrit name for the poses I can barely remember in English. What matters is that I am doing it, doing something new, stretching myself to go out of my comfort zone.

My mantra this week in the words of Winnie the Pooh:

"You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think".

ROAR!!!!!!

Comfort and Joy

2011-11-13T20:09:00.000-05:00

After three days of feeling pretty lousy with a flu bug today I was feeling somewhat better and decided it would be a day of doing comforting things that bring me joy.

One thing that brings me comfort (and other people joy) is baking. This morning I made a raspberry loaf for breakfast. After that I went shopping finally bought a crock pot. My Mother has been telling me for years to get one. After some debate over a basic one or one with a timer, a friend convinced me it was worth the extra money to get one with a timer. I am hoping this crock pot will bring me some comfort and joy.

Later in the afternoon I spent some time putting together a seasonal display of greenery. The cedar smells so heavenly.

Dinner was the ultimate comfort meal (at least for my English blood) - bangers and mash (I forgot to take a picture so you will have to trust me it looked yummy and tasted yummier).

Feeling better and comforted by rituals and a full stomach of delicious food.

Baking is joyful

eating it even more so

comforting meals while I work = joy

Seasonal greenery

Pine, cedar, juniper, dogwood, birch, pine cones,
magnolia leaves and dried hydrangea

Love Letters from the Universe

2011-11-13T13:31:00.001-05:00

I have been receiving love letters in my inbox for the past couple of weeks. While these are not the typical kind of love letters a girl might hope for they are touching my heart as they are meant to.

These letters are coming as part of a course I am taking which is to help encourage me to reach beyond what I feel are my limitations and to also be content with what is happening in my life right now.

Everything you need is right here, right now.

Love, the Universe.

What if we could set aside all our worries and fears and truly believe that things are unfolding as they should? My father used to say to me at times when I was under a great deal of stress "don't worry so much, don't push so much, life is unfolding as it should". At those times I can remember thinking I wish it would just fold itself right back up.

What if we could trust that lessons we are learning are ours to be learned and that the Universe will provide exactly what we need when we need it?

What if we could stop wanting and looking for something more? It doesn't seem to matter how much or little we have, most of us are convinced we still haven't got "it". Whatever "it" is. Whatever we are looking for to feel whole or secure or completely satisfied. Maybe we spend our time wishing things were as good as they were before - back when we didn't realize how good it was. Maybe we spend our time wishing we had it as good as everyone else seems to have it.

What if we could simply live in the present and be truly grateful for and happy with what we have knowing that life has its own natural ebb and flow and the Universe is looking after us.

Maybe today is that day.

Contrasts

2011-11-11T22:08:00.001-05:00

Without the darkness and cold would we delight in the warmth and light?

If we did not know the pain of heartache would we fully appreciate extraordinary love?

Without noise and chaos how do we experience the soothing sound of silence?

Does our joy become less without the memory of sadness?

Without illness are we grateful for our health?

Is a restful night savoured all the more with the memory of sleeplessness not long ago?

To fully appreciate the what is do we have to have learned from the what was?

Reflections

Daylight Savings

2011-11-06T21:09:00.001-05:00

What do you do with the extra hour that daylight savings (turning back the clocks) provides?

For most people I think the answer is an extra hour of sleep. Not me. I got up at the same time (more or less) as usual then set the clock back. This resulted in an extra long walk in the beautiful November sunshine, making a yummy breakfast of French toast and bacon topped off with Vermont amber maple syrup for me and the kids, and just didn't hurry (too much)..

I could use an extra hour every weekend!

Red and gold leaves

Golden canopy

Frost in the morning

French toast, bacon and maple syrup

Jack enjoying the morning sun

Feeling Stuck

2011-11-01T20:34:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning feeling stuck. I did not want to get up and greet the day. I wanted to stay in bed and pretend that I didn't have to get up and let another day march me forward into the future (which at that point felt like the black hole of the unknown). With so many challenges behind me and so many more in front of me I couldn't find a way to go forward and backing up was not an option. My best option was to just to stay there - in bed - preferably with the covers over my head.

Oh how I wish it were that easy!!! But so many people are dependant on me to get myself going and show up and do whatever voodoo it is that I do.

So, I tried (hard I might add) to list in my head all the things I am grateful for. Blank. Zilch. Zero. Nada. Gloom and doom. Nothing rang true. I could not get it together. I just felt .. angry and frustrated... that I am still being asked to be strong, that I am still being forced to learn life lessons that I really - quite frankly - want to be done with, that I am being challenged to believe in the universe. I feel tired of learning, tired of watching my dreams slip past my outstretched finger tips, tired of seeing doors close.

Once my private pity party was over and I had given my head a good shake I was able to remember how much I have to be grateful for.

I am grateful that my heart is kind and open, for my generous spirit and my abundant life. That I have much to give and that I am open to receiving joy. I am grateful for nature's beauty and it's ability to restore my faith in the universe. Grateful for the many small things often overlooked, waiting for me to stumble upon them - if I am seeing with my eyes and my heart.

Some days it is hard to be mindful and grateful, some days it is easy, but every day it is important.

Leaping or Falling?

2011-10-27T20:07:00.002-04:00

A times in our lives we leap into change.

Our lives become radically different overnight and we embrace it, find power and strength in it, and we are energized by our new adventure.

Other times we are knocked off balance by unexpected or unwanted change. We fall, we cling on with whatever strength we have; resisting change.

Whether we have leapt or fallen it is important to believe that change is as inevitable as the sun rising and setting. Nothing stays the same. That is the nature of life. We must learn to trust it and know that our time of change is sacred and important to our purpose, our place.

Doing Instead of Fretting

2011-10-23T20:28:00.000-04:00

The sight of the first frost of the season on the roof tops today reminded me just how fast time goes by. It seems like summer was just here and now it is almost the end of October.

Though I try to stay in and enjoy the present I am often guilty of dwelling on the past and worrying about the future. The tug of war between the past and the future is where the stress begins. I don't like it when I am fretting about the future. I don't want to miss what is in front of me right now.

When this feeling comes over me I know the best thing for me to do is to DO something. A task; something that will have a tangible outcome.

Rake rake rake, dig dig dig. Much the same as weeding this is physical work that gives me lots of time to think things through (i.e. therapy). I raked up the leaves (9 bags!) and finally got to extending the existing front garden bed and creating the new one. I dug up the sod and turned it over so that during the winter the grass will die and the earth will be ready for planting in the spring.

Now instead of fretting about what has been and what might be, I can dream about all the wonderful things I can plant there in the spring... daylillies, hollyhocks, foxgloves, daisies....

Frost on the roof tops October 23, 2011

Bags of leaves

Extending the garden

Stay in the present moment. That's where you'll find life's magic.

Wise Words

And The Wine Went Flying

2011-10-21T19:43:00.001-04:00

Card night. An excuse for wine, talking and laughing. The cards are just a front.

You never know what is going to happen or where the conversation will go. I am pretty sure we have covered every topic from men and sex, to kids, to wax or not to wax, what to cook for dinner, the health benefits of chocolate and wine.. well you get it- everything is on the table. It is a good thing.

There is nothing like connecting face to face with your friends. Emails, phone calls and Facebook just don't cut it. I love these women for all the things they are that I am not, for all the ways they make me laugh, for all the ways they are strong and brave, for all the ways they are human and perfectly imperfect.

Even when the wine flies across the room and Jack* and her white shirt is covered in wine and my one of my wine glasses on the floor it is all good. The clothes and glass can be replaced, but the moments can't.

* names have been changed to protect the innocent.

A splash of red

Inspiration

2011-10-20T20:16:00.000-04:00

Inspiration can come to us in many forms from many sources. The shining sun can inspire us to head outside and go for a hike while rain may inspire us to do some indoor jobs we have been procrastinating about. Going to an art gallery may inspire us to connect with a long hidden desire to paint, the words encouragement from a friend may inspire us to take the leap into something we were afraid to try. So many things can inspire us to grow and learn and become better people.

Right now I am inspired by someone I have never met. I am inspired by his courage, determination and spirit as he battles a spinal cord injury. I am inspired by the positive and grateful messages that his wife passes on to those of us who are tracking his recovery. I am inspired by the love and support pouring out to him and his family as they face the challenges ahead. I know that my voice and my heart join hundreds of others who are inspired and humbled by his strength.

Inspiration points abound. Open up. Look around.

When you seek inspiration, it will come to you.

- Melody Beattie, Journey To The Heart

Searching For My Inner Zen

2011-10-15T18:17:00.000-04:00

This morning I sat in the yoga studio that is to be my "home away from home" for the next 6 - 9 months I closed my eyes, took deep cleansing breaths and looked deep into myself and contemplated... "did I feel that I belonged here; was I bringing the right things - the right energy?" Mmmmm maybe...

What I felt and feel is scared. Or maybe just uncomfortable about what's next. I am about to take a big leap into something that will practically consume me - my time, my physical, mental and emotional energy. Yup. Scared. But excited too. A new adventure, a new challenge, a chance for more personal growth.

Before I start my yoga instructor course I am taking another course which is about turning your dreams into reality. A course that I am hoping will help me in finding the *courage* I need to keep going when it seems too tough, when I feel like I am failing and want to quit. To show me how to connect with my * tribe* - those who can help and support me in my journey. To teach me *gratitude* and how to deepen my ability experience joy.

Journal is ready, heart is open, mind ready to learn. Game on.

Zen cannot be found. Zen is never missing.

- Karen Maezen Miller

Good things

2011-10-15T08:42:00.000-04:00

Saturday mornings, tea in my favorite mug (in bed), the moon still bright and high in the sky, my cat purring beside me, my new blanket, my camera, my iPad, my kids safe and asleep in their rooms, a whole day in front of me without a list, autumn crispness in the air, waking up feeling grateful for all that I have, and that it- and I- am enough.

Learning to Fly

2011-10-12T21:24:00.000-04:00

... but I ain't got wings.

Superman does not have to worry about any competition from me any time soon :-)

These photos were taken as a part of an assignment for a photography course I am taking. Though I didn't do that well on the flying or the photo quality I understand the real lesson behind that assignment: be creative, take risks, don't worry about the perfect shot, capture the feeling and most of all have fun. I was laughing so hard that my energy for flying quickly drained.

This course has been a lot of fun and I will be sad when I am finished. One thing I have been reminded of while completing the assignments is how differently we all see the same things. With the instructor's prompts I am learning how to approach things in a way I didn't think of.

The course is less of a lesson in how to use your camera technically and more about how to see beauty, colour, light, movement, and emotion - about how something you might ordinarily overlook is extraordinary. It is about having the courage to be yourself - unique and imperfect. It is about honoring what you have to share with the world.

The rest of this weeks assignment is self portraits. Not something I am relishing doing. Like many people I do not like pictures of myself. I am critical of my appearance as I am noticing the signs of aging. I guess I am going to have to get over it, accept it and embrace it.

Next course I am taking is how to dream. BIG. More on that next time.

For now... up up and away!

Learning to fly

But I ain't got wings

Coming down is the hardest thing

All done.. yay!

Gratitude

2011-10-10T21:37:00.001-04:00

Thanksgiving is time give thanks and be grateful for the ordinary miracles, the abundance and the love in our daily lives. Though I have many things I am grateful for, I am most grateful -as always - for my children and their love and laughter which brings joy to every day.

While Thanksgiving is a good time to take stock and give thanks I believe that gratitude is not for just once or twice a year, but should be a daily habit.

"Gratitude is important to happiness. Studies show that consistently grateful people are happier and more satisfied with their lives; they even feel more physically healthy and spend more time exercising. Gratitude brings freedom from envy, because when you're grateful for what you have, you're not consumed with wanting something different or something more. That, in turn, makes it easier to live within your means and also to be generous to others. Gratitude fosters forbearance - it's harder to feel disappointed with someone when you are feeling grateful toward him or her. Gratitude also connects you to the natural world, because one of the easiest things to feel grateful for is the beauty of nature". - Gretchen Rubin

Appreciate each days gifts.

Notice the extraordinary in the ordinary.

Be mindful not to take anything or anyone for granted.

Take the time to express gratitude in action or words.

It was warm enough to eat outside

An abundant feast

For each new morning with its light,

For rest and shelter of the night

For health and food, for love and friends

For everything thy goodness sends

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Trying to Make Sense of the Senseless

2011-10-08T11:09:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was my daughter's 20th birthday.

A bitter-sweet day as she says goodbye to a young friend who took his own life this week.

Senseless.

She struggles to understand how someone so talented, bright, funny and with so much potential could be in such a dark place without anyone realizing it - including herself. How could someone who was surrounded by friends and family feel so alone and so unable to reach out for help. I struggle to help her understand something I don't really quite understand myself.

When something like this happens friends and family are left feeling that they should have been a better friend, brother, sister, or parent. That they should have known there was something wrong and been able to help. I don't know exactly why this young man did not reach out for help when he needed it, but I know that a few years ago when I went through a period of darkness it was shame that kept me from reaching out.

And so I teach my children to never be afraid or ashamed to ask for help.

To know that no matter how lost and lonely they may feel they are not alone.

No matter how dark the world seems the sun will shine again.

That there is always a way out.

As my daughter says goodbye to her friend today she is learning that sometimes there is no way to make sense of the senseless.

In Memory of Lukas

Tend to your sick ones, O Lord Jesus Christ;

rest your weary ones, bless your dying ones;

soothe your suffering ones; pity your afflicted ones;

shield your joyous ones.

And all for your love's sake

I Know

2011-10-02T11:55:00.000-04:00

The indescribable beauty of early morning sun glistening on the dew that drenches every leaf, needle and blade of grass.

The trust of my child's hand in mine.
The wonder in their eyes as everything is new.

The silence of a clear, crisp winter day pierced by the screech of a blue jay and the crunch of snow under my boots.

The beat of my heart.
Anticipation, delight, and comfort of love's embrace.

The astonishing and instant love for my newborn baby.
The delight tinged with sadness watching my children learn and grow.

Laughing till it hurts with my best friends.
Sharing dreams, stories, sorrows and fears.

The rustle of the aspen leaves, smell of pine needles.
The delight of golden leaves against the blue autumn sky.

Tears.
Fear that makes the blood pound in my ears.

Exquisite moments I wish would never end.
Taking snapshots in my mind.

Sunlight warming my face.
Dreams that won't be squashed.

The rhythmic sound of waves lapping against shore.
The lightness of being enveloped in water.

Letting go of love, fear and anger.
How to say I love you, I am sorry, and thank you
and meaning it.

Happy, Tired or Both?

2011-09-29T21:12:00.001-04:00

I am reading The Happiness Project. Not because I am unhappy really, but because I think I could be happier. Having said that, I am actually happier in my life right now than I have been in several years. Much of that has to do with changed circumstances, but some of it can be attributed to a mindful effort to do things that promote happiness in my life.

I think that age has something to do with my search for more happiness. I remember feeling very excited about turning 40 as I felt I had reached a place where I was finally getting to know myself, and I felt I was clear about what I wanted. Fast forward 7 years and I am still learning about myself (and I hope I never stop learning), but I am more certain about who I am and what I need to be happy than I did at 25 or 30. "Between the ages of twenty and forty we are engaged in the process of discovering who we are, which involves learning the difference between accidental limitations which it is our duty to outgrow and the necessary limitations of our nature beyond which we cannot trespass with impunity". - W.H. Auden.

One of the steps/guidelines to happiness that Gretchen Rubin recommends is to "Aim Higher" which she describes as "learning new things, getting comfortable with failure, and not be afraid to ask for help". All three of those things I am not good at doing. I do like to learn new things but generally (if I can choose), I pick things that I am fairly certain I will be able to do because I am not good at failure (read: I am critical of myself),and I don't like to ask for help (my daughter would testify to this as it drives her nuts when I won't find someone to tell me where something is in the store or ask for directions).

It may surprise some of you who know me, and even those who don't (after having read the above) that I am stretching myself both figuratively and literally with learning three things that I got started on even before I started reading The Happiness Project.

I bought a guitar and started taking lessons; started a photography course; and registered for a Yoga instructor course. The guitar lessons I am enjoying even though I have ZERO musical ability* (my teacher Aaron is very kind and patient, gratefully); the photography I love (except the part where I have to read the manual and try to figure out some setting I have never used)**, and I am a wee bit stressed at being behind on my homework already (and I am only in week two). As for the yoga well, we shall see. I am sure I have the right mindset /spirituality for it and I am looking forward to learning about anatomy, but I am not sure how my 47 year old body is going to react to 8+ hours of yoga each week***

* this is where get comfortable with failure

** this is where I should ask for help

*** this is where I may need a stretcher

According to Gretchen I am taking the right steps towards being happier, but I am going to be tired! Back to Chapter 1 and the first step to happiness "Boost Energy - get more sleep".

And with that, I wish you a good night!

Lessons From the Garden

2011-09-25T20:21:00.000-04:00

I am always learning lessons from my garden. In the garden I am so at peace and in tune with myself that it helps me to focus on what is important and what makes me happy and content. When I am working in the garden I truly know that this is one thing I am meant to do, and that I need in my life. There are so many other things that I do that I don't get the same feeling from. They seem to be more momentary enjoyments - not long lasting ones. The garden is work that I take pleasure in at every stage, and it never ceases to bring me joy.

Today brought me surprises (and lessons) in the garden. The first surprise was a second crop of raspberries arriving late in the season. The sample that I had was sweeter and juicier and more satisfying than I remember the July berries being. Maybe I took the sweetness of the first crop for granted, and it was the unexpectedness of the late season treat that forced me to savour it more the second time around.

The second surprise was carrots. I had all but given up on the thought of harvesting carrots from my garden this year. A combination of weather and soil conditions forced me to plant the seeds late (and twice), and then it seemed they were never going to amount to much. Today I was busy doing some garden clean-up and randomly grabbed a carrot top to check out the situation. Much to my surprise was lovely carrot of about 6 inches in length. Digging further I turned up about 20 or so of the same size. They took their time growing but they were worth the wait - sweet and tender!

After my two lovely surprises I got busy with the task of pulling the vegetable plants that are finished producing and making a large pile of cuttings to cover and create compost to work into the soil for next season. I did some weeding and dead-heading of the perennial beds and took notes of what to put where for next year. There are some things that I know I will plant again next year, but things that I won't try again. My experiment of cauliflower did not go that well and I won't bother with it again. The brussels sprouts are doing fine but they take up too much room. They are fun to look at though!

As I sit on the deck writing my garden and blog notes on a late September afternoon in unexpected glorious warm sunshine am grateful for my garden - for the joy, the beauty, and the lessons it teaches me.

Life lessons from the garden:

Sometimes the same thing the second time around is better than the first.
Have the patience to let things grow in their own time.
Remember what works, but don't be afraid to try new things.
Weed out the bad and nurture the good.
The good stuff that is presently in our life promotes healthy growth.

Carrots

Brussels Sprouts tree

Late season second crop of raspberries

The Extraordinary in Ordinary

2011-09-24T21:15:00.000-04:00

Only in the past few years did I discover I have a passion for photography. It started with my home staging business where I needed to photograph my work and quickly developed from there into something I love to do.

My camera helps me see things in a different way. My eye is always on the lookout for something or a moment to capture in my lens. With the camera the most ordinary things seem extraordinary and make me pause, appreciate and feel gratitude for what is. Many of the photos I love the most are the simplest things that I captured in my lens and many of the best moments of my life are the simple, ordinary, yet magical moments that I capture in my memory and in my heart.

The pictures below are extraordinary ordinary things captured at home in my lens today.

Pots and garlic

Freshly baked cookies

Measuring spoons

Messy jewellery box

Pattern in glass

Tea cup in the cabinet.

Sunlight through a wine glass

The Space Between

2011-09-22T00:01:00.006-04:00

When I was younger I could never have imagined living most of my life far from my Mom but circumstances with work, marriage and children have made it so. Many miles stretch between my Mom and I (about 3000),but not so many seem to be between our hearts. I don't get to spend time with her very often but she is in my thoughts always and we email daily if not more.

From a distance Mom has shared my sorrows and joys, cheered my successes and soothed my disappointments. Over the phone she has walked me through cooking a turkey dinner, how to soothe a screaming baby, and helped me get over a broken heart (all of these more than once). Not once has she not had time for me and I can always count on her to be in my corner.

Today as she turns 75 I recall many fond memories of growing up with a Mom who has a sense of humour, an adventurous spirit, a big heart, courage and optimism.

Reading bedtime stories, playing Barbies, baking cookies, rowing around the bay in Bala, slathering ourselves in clay, clam races, scary movies at the cottage, frogs in Aunt Beth's cupboards, tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, Sloan's restaurant, canoeing, walking to the bus stop with Buffy and the cats, laughing till we cried on my 16th birthday at Ascona place, skating on the lake to Neil Diamond, playing cards on rainy summer days, Sunday dinners, cross country skiing, sharing a bottle of Mateus wine (I did not feel well after that) watching the Royal Wedding of Charles and Diana in the middle of the night, the Montreal Olympics with mountains of popcorn, our first trip out west and hiking to Hot Springs Cove, long dinners with lots of lively conversation, and so many more things.

Happy 75th Birthday Mom. I love you !

My Quilt, My Life

2011-09-15T20:46:00.000-04:00

When I look back at my life- the things I have done, the roles I have played, the places I have visited and lived, the activities I enjoy, the changes I have undergone, and the things that are important to me and bring me joy, I realize my life is not as dull and boring (like an itchy grey wool blanket) as I think it is at times. My life is a patchwork quilt - colourful, cozy and mismatched.

The quilt of my life

Me and my quilt

Defining Courage

2011-09-11T20:45:00.000-04:00

The dictionary defines courage as the ability to disregard fear; bravery. Able or ready to endure danger, disgrace or pain.

I have never considered myself to be a courageous person. I am afraid of heights, I would never dream of parachuting from an airplane or climbing Mt. Everest, I don't like driving on highways, and I am terrified of roller coasters. I would, however, like to think that in an emergency situation adrenaline would kick in and I would be able to bravely face whatever was in front of me.

In my mind courageous people have always been those people that risk their lives daily for others - police officers, firefighters, and the very brave men and women who serve in our armed forces, just to name a few. While I certainly believe these people are not only courageous and often heroic, I know that there are countless people who define courage in a different way each and every day.

Many people face adversity and fear in their every day lives - people who suffer from incurable diseases that manage to greet each new day with a smile; the single parent who works two jobs to provide for his/her children without complaint; the addict that admits they have a problem, lets themselves be vulnerable and asks for help; the teenager that says no to drugs even when faced with peer pressure; the victim of abuse that lets go of shame and decides enough is enough. If you asked these people if they were courageous they would probably say no. But they are. If you asked these people where do they find their courage or strength they would probably say they have hope. A belief in something that they cannot see or touch, but they know is there.

There are countless times in our lives when we need to draw upon the courage that we did not know we possessed and to hope and believe that whatever hardships we are facing will not last.

We are all connected. Find your courage. Believe. Hope. Love.

Garden Update

2011-09-09T20:54:00.000-04:00

I have been neglecting the garden lately, and therefore, neglecting blogging about it. In my defence the garden has not required too much attention because the harvest is almost finished, the weeds are pretty much non existent, and I haven't even had to water much. This combined with back to school, back to routine, shorter evenings (sunset today was officially 7:39 p.m. boo hoo - I am NOT looking forward to winter) means I have not had much time for the garden.

What is happening in the garden is that my sunflowers are stunningly beautiful (if I do say so myself), and they make me feel happy just to look at them, the Brussels sprouts are coming along nicely, lots of beans on my bean tree, red peppers ripening and the tomatoes are still producing. I was very disappointed with my trash can potato harvest, but will try again next year.

Small potato harvest :-(

Although I long to live in the country and have an enormous garden someday, right now it is not about the size of my harvest so much as it is the pleasure of working in the garden, enjoying being outside, watching things grow and enjoying the beauty.

Sunflower

Brussels Sprouts

Beans

Sweet Red Peppers

Labouring (with Love) on Labour Day

2011-09-05T17:43:00.000-04:00

I started off thinking I might rest and relax today, but decided instead to do a chore that has been on my list for months now which I have been putting off for one reason or another. It was time to sort through my father's belongings.

My father was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia two years ago, and he is still living, but he is in a nursing home where many of his personal belongings are not required, or there is no space for them. I have finally come to the realization that there is not going to be any miracle cure and he won't be coming back here to live with me again. After a year I still feel a great deal of sadness and guilt for not being able to personally provide him with the care he requires. I am very grateful that he is well looked after by the caring nurses and volunteers at the home.

I know I have been putting it off because I did not feel up to dealing with the decisions of what to keep and what to give away. It was an emotional few hours looking though the mementos my father has kept over the years. Lots of cards and letters from me and my siblings as well as his many friends, and many pictures of his grandchildren. My father is well admired by many people for his intelligence, his gentle demeanour, and his open mind and this was evident in the amount of correspondence as well as his very full address book.

I also found a journal which he seems to have kept for years. I did not read it, but opened it to look at his beautiful penmanship which I have always admired. Seeing his journal reminded me of one of my favourite movies The Bridges of Madison County where the adult children discover that their mother had had a love affair that they had never known about. I am certain if I read my father's journal I would not discover that my father had a wild love affair, but I might gain some insight into what led him to the life he chose to lead the past 35 years. He had a path he felt strongly that he needed to follow and he did. I admire that. Not to be morbid, but I wonder what insights into me my children will discover by sorting through my belongings when it is time for them to do the same thing. We are never completely known by anybody, not even those closest to us, and sometimes not even to ourselves.

And so my chore is complete and I feel better for not having it hanging over my head any more and ready to let go of the feeling that I wasn't able to do enough to look after him.

Love you Dad.

Me and Dad on his 78th birthday Sept. 1, 2011

Balancing on the Tightrope

2011-09-02T19:47:00.001-04:00

Many things in life are about balance. Eat a balanced diet; balance your life between work and play; balance being at rest and being in motion; balance your relationships with give and take.

When I feel my life is off balance I find it almost impossible to move forward. Like I am stuck where I am standing until my equilibrium returns. The conundrum about standing still (or not doing anything proactive to restore a sense of balance) is that without moving and doing something the balance will not return and more than likely I will be even more off balance. And so, one plodding foot in front of the other, I try to become "unstuck". Many things can throw us off balance. That is why it is so important to have things that help you keep or regain a sense of balance in your life. Supportive friends and family, hobbies and pastimes that nurture your well being, a healthy diet and exercise are just a few of the ways we keep a sense of balance.

Keeping balance is what walking a tightrope is all about : don't look back, don't look side to side, look straight ahead and focus on the feel of the wire under your feet and slowly and steadily move ahead with confidence. And, above all else don't look down!

This might be good advice for keeping balance on the tightrope, but to keep life balance we need to follow different instructions. While I believe in not looking back too far (in terms of wishing you could change the past) there is some benefit to looking back to see where you came from and how you got to where you are. You must look side to side for opportunities and experiences that you might not see if your focus is always straight ahead. Looking ahead far enough to see where you are going, but not so far that you are not experiencing where you are presently is also important.

My life balance advice is to breathe deeply, focus on and feel where you are; turn your sights to see what is all around you; look ahead, chin up, and slowly but confidently move forward.

But don't look down!

Reblogging

2011-08-31T20:06:00.000-04:00

I am totally stealing this from another blog because it is so timely and I needed to share it. I read this book to my kids when they were small - The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams. If you haven't read it you should.

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Happiness is a Pair of Hiking Boots

2011-08-30T20:58:00.000-04:00

Happiness, Joy, Bliss... whatever you call it, is something we all want and at times feels very difficult to achieve, let alone sustain.

Children seem to have a natural joyfulness about them, taking pleasure and showing glee in so many things. The joy seems to practically bubble out of them in waves of exuberant energy. Lucky them!

What happpens? How do we lose that joy? More importantly how to we learn to get it back - to cultivate joy in our lives? Maybe like our gardens it needs to be looked after and maintained. Removing the weeds that wrap around and strangle our joy and nuturing the joy by "feeding" ourselves meaningful moments and being grateful.

For me joy seems to come in small unexpected moments that I want to savour like a delicious piece of chocolate melting slowly on my tonge. Moments that fill my heart and feed my soul. Moments that later (when I am feeling not so joyful) I can recall and use to soothe whatever stress or hurt is in the present. Moments that are worth remembering and repeating. They don't have to be big moments - the truly joyful moments string together over your lifetime, creating a long woven colourful tapestry that is uniquely ours.

Whatever your truly joyful moments are (like putting on your hiking boots) - grab them and savour them when you can.

Happy Sunflowers

Joy seems to me a step beyond happiness. Happiness is a sort

of atmosphere you can live in sometimes when you're lucky.

Joy is a light that fills you with hope and faith and love.

- Adela Rodgers St. Johns

End of Summer

2011-08-26T18:37:00.000-04:00

Tomatoes and corn are ripe, sweet, and ready to eat. Sunflowers are blooming and the evening shadows are getting longer. Summer will soon be drawing to a close. Officially the last day of Summer is the Fall equinox on September 23, but for many of us in Canada, Summer ends with the Labour Day weekend and back-to- school.

Sunflower

Sweet Tomatoes

Gone will be the lazy days of Summer which always feel more relaxed and less structured. Later dinners, later bedtimes, later breakfasts and generally just a more do as you please feeling.

Though it is sad to see Summer go, Autumn is my favourite season. Ontario will give us a spectacular show of coloured leaves, orange pumpkins, clean cool air, and crisp apples to pick.

Autumn colours

I love the cooler nights for sleeping, cozy sweaters, harvest moons, and my favourite holiday meal - Thanksgiving turkey with all the trimmings.

Thanksgiving dinner

Enjoy and savour the last days of Summer!

Authenticity

2011-08-20T21:52:00.003-04:00

Authenticity seems to be the buzz word these days with regard to the way people want to live their lives. Perhaps more and more people are realizing that to live any other way except being authentic is ultimately unsatisfying.

Of course, we all probably have reasons to live other ways than our authentic selves because of many different circumstances that are seemingly beyond our control such as geographical location, marriage or divorce, raising children, looking after elderly parents, or the need for employment, just to mention a few.

The sad and hard part is that once you have lost your true authentic self it means work, change, vulnerability and sometimes discomfort to get it back. Ultimately though the self awareness and willingness to rediscover your authentic self will bring joy and contentment. We all deserve to have a time to be our true selves as adults. My daughter rolled her eyes when I brought up this topic a few weeks ago. She probably does not understand yet what is means to lose yourself to other people and things that require you to be something you are not. I hope she never does.

Being authentic does not mean that you are being entirely self-focused. Just the opposite; for if you are being truly authentic you should have more of yourself to offer those who are connected to you because you should be able allow yourself to be vulnerable. Only by allowing vulnerability are we really living as our true selves. This week the universe has been sending me signs about my own quest for my personal sense of authenticity for my life and what ultimately I think it means for me.

To me a major part in being authentic is having an open heart and an open mind. To have meaningful connections and to nurture those connections. Another important factor for me is to live closer to nature and to live a simpler, more natural, and more active life. To shake off the excess stuff and surround myself with people, things and endeavours that are important to my well being, are meaningful, and add value to my life. To nurture and develop my artistic and spiritual side is yet another significant part of living authentically.

Each person will have their own list of things that would make their lives more authentic for we are all unique.

My personal goals towards living more authentically are:

to Love with my whole heart

to be present with Nature

to pursue Artistic endeavours

to Nurture meaningful connections

to Hold dear the things that bring value and meaning to my life

to be Grateful and to practice Gratitude each and every day

Hiking on the shore at Flower Pot Island, Tobermory, Ontario

Working on a watercolour painting

Laughter is the Best Medicine

2011-08-17T22:49:00.000-04:00

That is a saying that might be overdone but oh how true it is!

Studies show that laughter is as good as exercise at reducing stress, keeping our hearts healthy, burning calories, improving our relationships and enhancing our general well being. With all that proof to back it up I think I should do it more often. As my kids would attest to, I am not a laugher. I don't find that much really funny. I chuckle at things, but rarely do I get to an all out belly laugh. When I do laugh it is usually at something unexpected and silly (and then you don't want to witness it because once I get started it is difficult to stop). For some reason the movie George of the Jungle will set me off and my son swears I laughed uncontrollably at Austin Powers - Gold Member. I don't remember that - there must have been wine involved.

I am the first to admit I have a laughing deficiency in my life. When I am at work I hear my boss laugh. She laughs a lot and she has a great laugh - she really means it. I am envious of her ability to find humour in so many things. So, I vow to laugh more going forward. As I write this blog I am watching (well, sorta watching) Anna and Kristina's Grocery Bag. They make me laugh (ok, chuckle). If you like cooking shows and haven't seen them, tune in. Cute calamity in the kitchen. Ha ha ha.

Feel free to comment and tell me what makes YOU laugh. I need help. Point me in the right direction.

Our cat Jack. He makes me laugh because he is goofy.

Quotes

2011-08-11T20:39:00.000-04:00

I have a book of quotes and I love reading them. Other people always seem to have just the right thing to say at just the right moment. I read them because they seem like wise words when I need a bit of encouragement as we all do from time to time. On the inside cover of my book of quotes I wrote my own quote/message when I was going through a very difficult time a couple of years ago.

Move on.

Let go.

Stop struggling.

Let yourself be happy.

Live your life.

Believe in yourself.

Believe in infinite possibilities.

Do not worry about what other people think.

You have one life to live and one life in which to be happy.

From time to time I look at it and remember that I had the strength to keep going and that I had friends and family that stood by me and helped to keep me going. Being grateful never goes out of style. xoxo

Sunset over Georgian Bay, Ontario

Feels like Autumn

2011-08-11T07:01:00.000-04:00

This morning it is a chilly 13C as I wake up. I am sure the sun today will warm us right back up, but the day has that early Autumn back-to-school feel about it. I suddenly have the urge to buy new pencil crayons and notebooks. Of course, my kids are beyond those days now, but that is the feeling I have this morning. Other than the money spent I always liked the sight of new pencil cases, crayons, erasers, notebooks as well as the sight of their fresh happy faces in their new clothes and backpacks. There was always an enthusiasm on the first day back when they were excited to see friends that had been gone over the summer. Of course a few weeks later they would always be back to "school.. uggh". Today really has that Autumn feel. Must make the most of the last "carefree" weeks of summer.

One of my favourite late summer bloomers

My Point of View

2011-08-09T22:12:00.001-04:00

When I look at the view in front of me as I write this blog* it is hard for me to believe that two summers ago the view was so different. Also hard to believe how much it will change in a few months when the snow comes. But, I trust that next year it will be back to the beauty that is in front of me now. Except, unfortunately, for Rudy's tree. Rudy is my backdoor neighbour and he delivered the bad news that he will be cutting his maple tree down. I was upset enough last year when he nearly pruned the tree to death. I was so happy that he left the branches to grow this year and that the tree looks so healthy. Don't get me wrong, other than the tree situation, Rudy is a great gardener and loves to grow things. His backyard is lush and green and tropical looking with all sorts of annuals, perennials, vegetables and fruit. He often (generously) hands me over the fence perennials that he has divided. Before this sad news, he gave me a Rose of Sharon to plant. Maybe that was his way of trying to soften the blow about the tree. There is nothing I can do to change his mind about cutting the tree down. It is on his side of the fence and it is smaller in diameter than requires a permit to cut it down. I can only hope that he changes his mind. If not, I will be grabbing a box of tissues when I hear the chain saw. I will soon be shopping for a tree to plant in its place but on MY side of the fence.

*literally writing with pen and paper, as I always do before I type on the computer. Strange and old fashioned I know, but I think better with paper and ink.

The view as I blog - including my newly painted toenails

A view of the shed as it will be in a few months - winter

Rose of Sharon from Rudy

Rudy's Maple Tree

Having a Martha Stewart Day

2011-08-07T20:53:00.001-04:00

That's what my daughter calls it when I get into a groove of cleaning, organizing and most of all cooking (this would be the cooking for the enjoyment not the necessity). Especially if she wakes up to a big breakfast she likes to say I am having a Martha Stewart day. I think before Martha Stewart they were called Susie homemaker days. Whatever you want to call it, when the urge strikes I guess I should go with it. Today was not a big breakfast, but because it was raining outside and cool enough that having the oven on didn't seem ridiculous, I thought I would make some muffins for breakfast. These are definitely one of my favourite muffin recipes. I am not sure where this recipe originated (it was passed to me from my Mom who got it from my sister Andria) and therefore, since I cannot point you in the right direction, I am including it as part of this blog. I usually cut the recipe in half but these muffins freeze very well if you make the whole batch.

Raspberry Muffins

4 cups all purpose flour
2 cups white granulated sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
3 cups fresh or frozen raspberries (if frozen berries, do not thaw before using)
4 eggs, lightly beaten
2 cups sour cream (I usually use plain unsweetened, 1% or 2% yogurt as it is most often on hand in the fridge)
1 cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

In a large bowl, combine flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Add berries and toss gently till coated. Set aside.
In a separate bowl combine eggs, sour cream, oil and vanilla; mix well.
Stir egg mixture into dry ingredients just until moistened.
Fill greased or paper lined muffin cups two-thirds full.
Bake at 400 degrees F for 20-25 minutes or until muffins test done.
Makes 24 standard size muffins.

Rainy day raindrops..

If I Was A Tree

2011-08-05T20:56:00.000-04:00

I would like to be an Eastern White Pine. I love this majestic and beautiful tree which is the provincial tree of Ontario. For me the very sight of one elicits a sigh contentedness. Add a screeching Blue Jay into that scene and I am in nothing short of complete rapture. This tree in a setting on a lake stirs many wonderful memories of my childhood in Muskoka. I love the smell of the needles when they carpet the ground in the fall, the beauty of the rain captured on the needles, and the windblown appearance of a mature pine. I have a fondness for all trees but this tree holds a special place in my heart and soul.

Raindrops on pine needles

I know I am not the only one to feel this way. The White Pine was the subject of many works of art by The Group of Seven.

A.J. Casson - The White Pine

Franklin Carmichael - Island Georgian Bay

Fred Varley - Stormy Weather Georgian Bay

Tom Thompson - Pine Trees at Sunset

Perhaps I am already a bit like the pine tree. I seem to thrive more in the sun, I am happy by a rocky shore, I am soft but can be prickly if you rub me the wrong way (ha ha) and lastly, I have endured my own weevil which forever changed me and forced me to branch out in different directions but I am still strong and still growing.

Damage done to a pine tree by the Weevil

It is not so much for its beauty that the forest makes a claim upon men's hearts, as for that subtle something, that quality of air that emanation from old trees, that so wonderfully changes and renews a weary spirit. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

Enjoying the Fruits (larger) of Someone Else's Labour

2011-07-31T20:33:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I bought Ontario corn, tomatoes and peaches at the farmers market. Yum!!

Gardening Therapy

2011-07-31T20:28:00.000-04:00

Many people enjoy gardening and I am finding out that a lot of people like pulling weeds too. There are many therapudic benefits to gardening. It is a healthy activity for the body, mind and soul. There is pleasure and satisfaction of watching the seeds you planted transform themselves into a beautiful flower or vegetable. It is wonderful to enjoy your home grown food in a meal or make a lovely bouquet from flowers in your garden.

While I have always enjoyed digging in the earth, planting and harvesting vegetables as well as growing and arranging flowers, not everyone starts out gardening from youth. Many people may only start gardening later in life when other activities are no longer as easy or they take it up as a hobby once they are retired.

At the nursing home where my Father resides (he was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia in 2009) the residents enjoyed planting the flower beds and raised vegetable beds in the spring. Many of them assist daily in the maintenance of the garden; deadheading and watering. Even my Father who never was really much of a gardener (although when he lived with me he didn't mind pulling a few weeds once in a while) enjoys checking on his cucumber, basil and green pepper plants to see how they are coming along. His garden and mine act as a common ground for a conversation starter when I go to visit and also a good reason for me to coax him outside to visit instead of staying in.

My Father

Raised vegetable garden at the nursing home

Dad's peppers

Dad's cucumbers

Whatever the reason for your garden and wherever you have one I hope you get as much joy from it as I do from mine.

The Fruits (sometimes small) of My Labours

2011-07-28T21:22:00.001-04:00

Every season there the surprise of something that thrives and the something that *fails*. This is how we learn. In gardening and in life.

"I don't believe in failure. It is not failure if you enjoyed the process".

Oprah Winfrey

Oh Deer!

2011-07-26T20:14:00.001-04:00

This post is not about gardening. I did warn that I would try to stick to topic but there would be times when I might get sidetracked. And, sidetracked I am.

A few days ago when coming back from vacation I had two encounters with deer within 10 minutes of each other. I always love to see deer but rarely do. On this occasion I was in my car heading home at midday (an unusual time to see deer) and looking to my left at a stop sign I saw 3 deer cross the road about 50 meters away. I paused to watch them for a minute delighted to have been able to see them. I went on with my journey and was travelling along when less than ten minutes later three more deer crossed the road in front of my car. I hit my brakes and no harm was done to the deer or to me. Once again I resumed my journey home. A few minutes later I started shaking in reaction to my near miss and had to pull over to catch my breath so that I could concentrate on driving. I got home safely and did not think much more about it until a friend mentioned that such an encounter twice in one day might have some meaning / significance behind it. When, two days later we went to see the last of the Harry Potter movies where there is a significant symbolism about a deer as a patronus (protector), I realized that perhaps deer have made their way to my consciousness for a reason.

Patronus from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

I believe that nature can teach us many things if we open our minds and hearts to it. Maybe the deer are trying to tell me something. Reading the below description of the meaning of the appearance of deer in your life I might surmise the deer might be telling me something that friends and family have told me - it is time for me to be kinder and gentler to myself. I always make an effort to be kind, gentle, loving and generous to others, but perhaps at times at the expense of my own well being. Maybe it is MY time.

Whatever the deer are trying to tell me, I will try to listen. One thing I certainly did take from the experience is how very precious our lives are and every day we should be grateful for the little things that bring joy into our hearts.

Deer, Power Animal, Symbol of Gentleness, Unconditional Love and Kindness

By Ina Woolcott

Deer's medicine includes gentleness in word, thought and touch. The ability to listen, grace and appreciation for the beauty of balance. Understanding of what's necessary for survival, power of gratitude and giving, ability to sacrifice for the higher good, connection to the woodland goddess, alternative paths to a goal

In the Celtic tradition, there are two aspects of deer - female and male. The Hind (the red female deer), called Eilid in the Gaelic language, symbolises femininity, subtlety and gracefulness. The Hind is believed to call to us from the Faery realm, tempting us to release the material trappings of so-called 'civilization', to go deep into the forest of magic, to explore our own magical and spiritual nature. The topic gentleness is part of this tradition. Many stories tell of Hinds changing into women, often goddesses, to protect does from being hunted. The lesson to be gleaned here is that when we explore magic and spirituality, it must be with good intention, to harm no living being, but to enter the realm of the wild things in the spirit of love and communion. The Stag, Damh in the Gaelic tongue, is also linked to the sacredness of the magical forest. The Damh represents independence, purification, and pride. It is known as the King of the Forest, the protector of its creatures. For time immemorial people have sought to identify with the stag by ceremonially wearing antlered headdresses and imitating the deer's leaping grace.

Both Celtic and Native American hunters prayed to the deer to give them a good hunt, and in return promised to take no more than was essential for the survival of the tribe. This helps remind us that our spirit of gentleness and unconditional love should extend to all species, not only our own.

Maybe the most effective way to summarize the lessons of these beliefs, is to say that only when we move through life in the spirit of love for all beings can we melt the barriers that separate us from others, from other life forms, and from the beautiful mystery which is our own magical and spiritual gift.

By observing the ways in which deer behave, it is possible to see what amazing qualities - or powers - they possess. From the deer we can learn that the gift of gentleness and caring can help us overcome and put aside many testing situations. Only love, both for ourselves and for others, helps us understand the true meaning of wholeness.

If a deer crosses your path, this may show you that you are a very compassionate, gentle and loving person. If you don't have these qualities, then consider if you have a problem that needs addressing. Are you facing a challenge in your life, whether with a fellow human being or a delicate situation? If you are feeling negative emotions such as anger, try letting go. Think about whether a gentler and more loving approach can sort the issue out. It may be necessary to speak the truth, this is best done with kindness and from the heart, this will generally give a better result.

Deer teaches us how powerful it is to be of gentle demeanour, to exert keen observation and sensitivity. Deer's are in tune with nature and all it comprises. They are sacred carriers of peace and show those with this power animal how to open their hearts and love unconditionally.

Frequently twins or even triplets are born in the spring. Females and males reside in separate groups until the mating season. White-tailed deer are rather sociable, and family members forage food together along with other family groups, which gives the appearance of a large herd. Fawns are born a colour that protects them, camouflaging them from a predator’s sight. In the first few days of their life they hardly move, until their energy field is strong and grounded. They then stand up and begin to follow their mother around. A magical sight to behold is fawns coming out of forests, following their tenderly protective mothers. Even when grazing, the mothers are constantly watchful, fully aware and alert of what is going on all around them. They travel through forest and field with deliberateness and clarity, mindful of the fragile creature they nurture and protect. There is a powerful lesson to be learned here by us. Though we are born with an inborn ability to be unconditionally loving, often we are born to parents whose life experiences have taught them to become hard, and to lose that ability to experience and give unconditional love. Watching the deer and her babies is a reminder to honour and respect the child-like innocence within your self and go about your life with gentleness and an open heart. You should also stand strong on your path, in your beliefs, and not allow yourself to get distracted by outside influences.

Deer has entered your life to help you walk the path of love with full consciousness and awareness, to know that love sometimes requires caring and protection, not only in how we love others, but also in how we love ourselves.

A deer's senses are very acute and they see extremely well in low light, giving them the ability to understand the deeper symbolic meanings of things. They can hear a twig snap a very long way off. People with this power animal are often described as being swift and alert. They are intuitive, often seeming to possess well developed, even extrasensory perceptions. Sometimes their thoughts seem to race ahead, and they appear not to be listening, to be somewhere else. Anyone with power animal has latent clairvoyant and clairaudient abilities. They can see between the shadows, detect subtle movements and hear that which is not being uttered. Ask the deer to help you develop these true gifts.

The set of antlers grown by the male deer are antennae that connect it to higher energies. If you come across a deer in the wild, try to count the number of points on their antlers. This number is associated with numerology and can carry great significance for those with this power animal.

Deer teaches us to be gentle, to touch the hearts and minds of wounded beings who are in our lives. Don't push people to change, rather gently nudge them in right direction, with the love that comes from deer. Love and accept people as they are. The balance of true power lays in love and compassion.

When a Deer totem enters your world, a new innocence and freshness in about to be awakened. New adventures are just around the corner and there will be an opportunity to express the gentle love that will open new doors for you.

Survival

2011-07-25T20:59:00.002-04:00

I am constantly in awe of the innate tendency ("will") that living things have to survive. And, not only to survive but to thrive. Humans, plants and animals have a built in survival mode to get through physical stresses. And, in the case of humans, emotional and mental stresses.

What makes humans different from plants and animals is the ability to think about our own survival (without relying solely on our instincts) and to make decisions about it. We have reason and we have logic. We can choose to give up or to go on.

A quote from Shakespeare's Hamlet:

To die, to sleep;

To sleep; perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,

When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,

Must give us pause.

Life and survival is a constant struggle in both the animal and plant world. Plants will thrive in the right conditions and wither, perhaps even die, in stressful conditions where the needs of their basic survival are not being met (water, sunlight, nutrients). There are plants that will overcome and adapt to adverse conditions and disease. There are humans and animals that do the same.

In Ontario the winters can be harsh and I am always happy and surprised to see the first green shoots coming through in the spring wondering how do they make it through the winter? How little coaxing from the suns rays they need to be restored to their spring and summer glory. They seem to "trust" in the sun. Many of us could take a life lesson from that.

I know that my plants did not think about whether or not to try and go on but survive they did . With nurturing in the form of water they have bounced back to looking beautiful and I am happy about that.

Holidays and Hollyhocks

2011-07-24T09:11:00.000-04:00

This past week I went on my first ever full holiday without the kids. Yes, I left them to fend for themselves. They are old enough to be left on their own at 19 and 16. They are responsible and honest. I have great neighbours to look in on them, their father was on call, I left a fridge full of food, emergency money (i.e. pizza) and a detailed list so the cat would be fed and watered and so would the garden (or so I hoped). The cat survived (thankfully), but the garden did not fare as well. In their defense it was an extraordinarily hot dry week. They swear that they watered… “really we did Mom”. The plants tell another story, they were not looking too happy.

I watered a bit (so as not to shock the plants) when I got home and I got up early the next morning and gave everything a good soaking. Looks like most things will pull through, but time will tell. The trash can potatoes might be roasted potatoes by now and the peas are looking decidedly unhappy.

Meanwhile, I had a wonderful time away amidst some of Ontario’s most spectacular scenery and I fell in love… with Hollyhocks.

How I love these magnificent old fashioned blooms. I could not drink in enough of their beauty nor could I take enough pictures of them. They buzzed with the sound of bees and hummingbirds in a life of their own. In every light they looked gorgeous. They will definitely be part of my garden plans next year.

OH Poop! an Opossum Ate My Cabbage

2011-07-24T09:09:00.000-04:00

This growing season was my experiment year for a few things. I planted brussels sprouts, cabbage and cauliflower. Three things I have never grown before. The fate of a couple of them is still in the balance while the other is a goner. The brussels sprouts seem to have been killed by holidaying mom and kid induced drought (see next blog) while the cabbage was eaten by an Opossum.

I had two beautiful cabbage heads. I was so proud and amazed by the way they just kept forming their lovely round cabbage heads with no assistance from me. I could taste the coleslaw every time I looked at them. Then came the Opossum. I really don’t like these creatures much. I have seen them around before. They are kind of creepy (to me anyway, lots of people might just love the opossum for all I know!). Well he (or she) sure liked my cabbage. In one night he ate half of both of my cabbage heads. And to add insult to injury he left me a little present on my deck right outside my sliding doors. Cheeky! Looks like he might have been eating the Mulberries too.

Lovely Lily

2011-07-16T10:21:00.002-04:00

The Daylily (Hemerocallis) is one of my favourites to have in my garden. They are one of the first shoots up in the spring and long before they flower, their reed-like foliage spreads vigorously. There are a wide variety of colours available. They produce long flower stalks and that can bear numerous buds, each of which bloom only for a day (this is the downside of Daylily). They are low maintenance, and can thrive in a wide variety of growing conditions

This flower is a staple for any cottage garden. The variety I remember from my childhood has a dark orange flower on a very long stem. They grew by the roadside in Muskoka and thrived in the very shallow soil that is a problem for many Muskoka gardeners. I have a few varieties in my garden now and plan to plant more in the front yard when I dig up a new patch. Less grass, more garden is my motto!

Following What The Doctor Ordered

2011-07-13T20:34:00.000-04:00

Just a short blog tonight as I was told to go home have a glass of wine and do nothing. Who am I to argue with a professional? Except that doing nothing does not come that easily to me. So, of course, my doing nothing still involves doing something but in a relaxing sort of way. I watered the gardens. Honestly, I had to! After a very long wet and cold spring we are now having a hot dry spell and I have to water the veggie gardens and potted plants every day. My tomatoes were wilting when I got home from work. While watering I noticed how lovely the raspberries were looking and that a coneflower had opened and of course, I had to take some pictures. So here I am blogging. I think blogging is almost doing nothing… right?

Ok, so it was my chiropractor who gave the orders but that still counts, he is a doctor and he can recognize stress (i.e. knotted neck = not enough weeds to pull) when he sees it!

IT ISN’T EASY BEING BLUE

2011-07-10T15:28:00.009-04:00

According to Kermit it isn’t easy being green either. To restore my equilibrium I spent some time in the green of my garden (does that make me turquoise?). To me there is not much better a place to help me think and be at peace.

In the quietness of Sunday morning while most people still slept I sipped my tea, picked sugar snap peas, and wrote out a list of things to do while listening to the birds coming to feast on the mulberry tree. List in hand I began to tackle the chores one by one. Accomplishing tasks is another thing that helps to keep me balanced. Listening to music is another way I lift my spirits.

Today’s play list:

Brown Eyed Girl: Van Morrison

Mony Mony: Tommy James and the Shondells

The Beat Goes On: Sonny & Cher

Happy Together: The Turtles

How Can I be Sure: The Rascals

Spooky: Classics IV

Sherry: The Four Seasons

Runaround Sue: Dion

Mellow Yellow: Donovan

Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind: The Lovin’ Spoonful

Help Me Rhonda: The Beach Boys

More Today Than Yesterday: Spiral Starecase

Love Potion #9: The Searchers

See You in September: The Happenings

Because it isn’t easy being green either, my Kermit is gold. He looks pretty happy and peaceful that way. Jai Guru Dev

Change

2011-07-07T21:27:00.001-04:00

In the garden, like in many aspects of life, it is easy to forget how quickly things change.

In the spring we plant our gardens in great anticipation of the vegetables, fruits and beautiful flowers we might grow. Once the seeds or transplants are in the ground we think to ourselves, “Hurry up and grow!” Perhaps, like me you go and visit your garden once or twice a day to see what, if any, changes have taken place while you were sleeping or at work. I am always excited to see a new shoot or bloom.

As the plants grow, suddenly you may begin to remember how much effort you need to put in to maintaining the garden – the watering, the thinning, the weeding (except remember I like weeding - J), the dead-heading, getting rid of pests and so on. Then you may think to yourself, “slow down, I need to catch up”. Many things in life are like that. Parents eagerly await the day their baby will crawl, get a first tooth and walk and the next thing you know they are teenagers and then adults and you wish you could have moments back. We as humans always seem to be anticipating the next thing instead of enjoying what is.

Two years ago when I moved into my house I was impatient to get to work on the garden knowing how much time it would take to establish a mature perennial garden.

I remember how I wanted my garden and my life to hurry up and evolve from where it was to what I hoped it would be. With lots of hard work by me, the kids and friends we dug, hauled in topsoil and got things planted. My backdoor neighbor handed many lovely perennial cuttings over the fence and we bought many more at a neighbourhood plant sale. I happily nurtured it and watched it transform before Autumn came and then it was back to sitting and waiting for Spring to arrive again. Patience is a virtue so they say.

My garden and my life are constantly changing and growing. And, like my garden, my life needs weeding once in a while too. I need to weed out the things that are not of value or the things that are dragging me down and taking my energy. Like weeds these things can take control of your life and take up the space of the things that are important. As I watch my garden grow I try to take lessons from it. Learning how to be resilient and that I too can withstand a bout of bad weather and bloom again in the sun. I will enjoy each bloom as it blossoms and eat as much of the fresh vegetables as I can knowing that those things will be gone again in a season and I will be busy trying to learn how to be patient once again.

Secret Garden

2011-07-04T21:14:00.000-04:00

There is a garden I love that is not mine. This garden is an old garden and there is a spirit and a feeling there that does not exist in mine - for mine is a new garden - just a toddler learning its way. This garden has the soul of those that have tended it, gazed upon it and loved it before. It is a wilder garden and has an innate strength and will to survive and thrive and create its own design. It seeds itself and survives only on what nature provides; nutrients from the soil, sun and rain. When you sit near and listen it plays a music that is its own. The buzzing of the bees, the wings of the hummingbird, the song of the wren, the wind rustling its foliage. When I breathe in and smell the sweet scent of the peony and feel the sun on my face I have found a little bit of heaven. A piece of my heart is with this garden. It is not mine but I love it just the same.

WEEDS WANTED

2011-06-25T19:00:00.000-04:00

Call me crazy but I like weeds in my garden. I don’t like an immaculate garden; it’s unnatural. Not only that, but without weeds how would my problems get solved?

Today I bought a new car. What does that have to do with weeds you ask? For me buying a car is stressful. I don’t like negotiating and I don’t have a poker face. The sales guy knows I like the car. His job is easy. Also, I am a woman buying a car – enough said!

Back to the weeds: after the car was purchased, paperwork signed on the dotted line, gong rung, money exchanged; I felt not excited or happy but stressed. I needed my weeds to pull, and thankfully due to all the rain this week there were many of them.

One by one the weeds came out and one by one my thoughts and worries about another expense, kids learning to drive, insurance etc., were mulled over and unravelled and the stress became less and less. Weeds pulled, garden looking lovely, mind calmer. Much cheaper than therapy!

Last year I had mulch in the garden to help control the weeds. It was a bad idea. I need my weeds. I will never mulch again!

Go Local!

2011-06-25T18:39:00.002-04:00

I stole that slogan from the LCBO but they have the right idea.

It's strawberry season in Ontario. Something we look forward every year. So where are they? Yesterday morning I looked through the flyers and only one of the major chain grocery stores in my area was advertising Ontario strawberries. The others were sill promoting strawberries from California. I don't know about you but I think there is something wrong with that.

The demand for organic produce is on the rise yet it is still not easy to get unless you shop at one of the expensive markets. I like to buy local organic food in season. It tastes better, it is better. It has not been picked weeks before it is ripe and it has not travelled hundreds or thousands of miles to reach your plate. Buying local also supports the local economy. It is a win win. Don't get me wrong, I am not a fanatic. I love my imported chocolate as much as the next woman, but I will buy locally produced food when I can.

A good source for local produce in the summer is your local farmers market. Or, you can look no further than your backyard. Even a patio or roof top will work with a little ingenuity. The taste of your freshly picked lettuce or tomatoes will be worth it. I am sure most of us have experienced those grocery store tomatoes.. "it looks like a tomato, it tastes like cardboard".

I eventually found my local organic berries and they were spectacular. Juicy, sweet and red. Yum.